- Dr. Matthew Jones is a psychologist who helps the co-founders work through their issues together.
- He shared some of the most common communication mistakes leaders make.
- These include “crossing the net,” not checking in, and overlooking major differences in values.
Couples are not the only ones seeking counseling. My co-founders also go to couples therapy.
Dr. Matthew Jones, a clinical psychologist who began focusing on coaching co-founders in the past five years, told Business Insider that his clients are drawn to therapy because they “experience high-stress, high-pressure situations. He said this was due to “the psychological complexity associated with this.” someone close to you,” such as a startup owner.
Most of Jones’ clients work in the technology industry and often deal with fast-paced work environments and uncertainty.
“It creates a bond that you can use to build resilience, increase intimacy, and improve decision-making,” Jones said. Or it could backfire, with the relationship actually worsening your mental health and starting to impact your business results.
Jones shared the six biggest communication mistakes business leaders and co-founders make. From how to handle conflict to how to ignore it until it’s too late.
1. I only understand business terms.
Jones said there are three types of language that all business teams speak: operational language, psychological language, and archetypal language.
Because operational language is tightly tied to business tasks, “most teams do it relatively well,” he said. In comparison, psychological language is slow, he said.
“It’s more planned and more resource-intensive,” Jones said. “Listening requires a different approach.”
Finally, he said that language archetypes are about the overall atmosphere around each other, like walking on eggshells with the other person.
Jones said miscommunication around these two languages causes most of the problems clients come to her for because it affects how leaders work through conflict and give feedback. Being able to speak all three languages is an important soft skill and a sign of emotional intelligence.
2. Not enough check-ins
Jones said that if business leaders don’t make it a habit to listen and give feedback, rifts can develop between them over time. That’s why he typically recommends weekly syncs to his teams.
He also encourages co-founders to have detailed check-ins on a monthly or quarterly basis. That way, “we can spend much more time focusing on metacommunication and discussing our relationships with each other.”
Questions should include “What are you not talking about?” “How can we continue to grow?”
“Ideally, you both end the conversation feeling heard and understood,” Jones said.
3. Guide with assumptions
“Crossing the Net” is a term used in a popular Stanford University class on interpersonal communication.
“On one side of the net is you, your own intentions, and your inner world,” Jones began to explain. When people cross the Internet, they make assumptions about the other person’s intentions and feelings.
In business situations, he said, it often shows up in “you” statements, such as “You’re not interested in this project” or “You’re not fully committed.”
Jones said that while it’s widely known that “I” statements are ideal for healthy communication, some people still turn them into accusations such as “I do.” “I feel like you’re being rude,” or “I feel like your heart isn’t in this.”
Jones added that it’s natural for us to have images in our heads of other people’s motivations and values, but they just “need to be updated” for relationships to work. .
4. They want agreement, not compromise.
Jones said co-founders often complement each other’s differences and often grow to love each other. They see one bridging the gap in the other and embracing their unique dynamic as a strength.
Under pressure, these differences inevitably become more pronounced. Instead of finding a way to meet halfway, some people simply think the relationship isn’t a good fit, he added.
He said this was a misconception for two reasons. Mainly, successful companies need diverse personalities to ensure that different skill sets and perspectives are covered.
Second, he said, “There is no such thing as a perfect match.” “Differences need to be respected and managed over time.”
If one founder is more cautious and the other wants to move quickly and break things down, Jones will work with them to find the best outcome for the company, which usually involves It involves finding common ground.
5. Ignoring major differences in values
Sometimes problems arise because of irreconcilable differences. Among his pair of Jones clients, one was adamant that diversity, equity, and inclusion was central to their hiring practices, while the other was adamant about “acting quickly” in recruiting. I felt it was more important to “do”.
By scheduling a session with Jones, they realized their visions were incompatible and parted ways before committing to working more deeply.
In such cases, he absolutely believes that separating is the best course of action for them and for the company.
6. Only ask for help if you are extremely nervous.
Jones loves clients who come before problems arise and “value self-growth.” Typically, these co-founders’ customers are also family members or close friends, and they understand that their relationship is “a little more complicated than just business associates.”
Unfortunately, this is only the smallest percentage of his business customers. The majority are “currently experiencing varying degrees of conflict,” he said.
Jones said it’s still possible to fix problems when they’re at their worst, but it’s always best to be proactive and seek guidance. By doing so, leaders can solve problems more effectively and grow faster.
