About every six months, a new animal type partner appears on social media. You may remember that late last year, the most popular was the “Golden Retriever.” Why? Because Taylor Swift has a lively American football player named Travis Kelce.
In fact, she still has him, which is a typical trait of golden retrievers: they’re fiercely loyal and won’t leave your side no matter what (except for the occasional 22-yard touchdown pass).
Introducing the new must-have mammal of the summer: Hot Rodent. This guy doesn’t know the difference between the ends of a football. He studied drama at school and the retrievers played on the playground, but what he lacks in muscle he makes up for in adorably quirky clothing and the occasional refusal to leave the house.
But retrievers and rodents aren’t the only partner species. What are they? Do you have no idea what your partner is? Then you need to fix this gap in your cultural knowledge immediately. Read more…
Golden Retriever
Poster Boy
Travis Kelsey. If you don’t know who Travis is, think Joey from Friends. To sound like Gen Z when discussing this at a dinner party, realize that the man in question has “big GR energy.”
Evidence Actions
I run alongside trains as they leave the station (GRs are a Health and Safety Officer’s nightmare), get lost in a John Lewis general store and then wander aimlessly in circles.
According to TikTok, GR will tie your shoelaces for you without you having to ask. It’s annoying, but it’s his way of showing affection, so maybe you should switch to ballet flats while he does it for you.
Rottweiler /German Shepherd
The poster boy, David Beckham, is probably actually a German Shepherd, too, as he has “big GR energy.”
Evidence Actions
Rottweilers are wary of social situations because they can lead to biting. If your Rottweiler bites, scold him. This will make him sad. Whether he turns out to be a Rottweiler or a less scary German Shepherd depends on how seriously he takes his role as a guardian. If, when a male waiter helps him with his coat, he responds by saying, “Keep your hands where I can see them,” he’s a total RW. Think Russell Crowe in the 2000s.
Hot Rodent
Poster Boy
Kieran Culkin.
According to a recent article in Dazed, rodents “are often not generally handsome, but that just makes them all the more appealing.” Many TikTok users are also The Challengers Co-stars Josh O’Connor and Mike Feist (two-thirds of the film’s now-famous “threesome”) are examples of that type.
Evidence Actions
Despite his sexy looks, Rodent is undeniably strange, even disorganized, and can veer off in unexpected directions with little or no warning – but because he weighs less than nine stone and wears knitted tank tops, no one cares.
reptiles
Poster Boy
Of course, Timothée Chalamet.
Reptiles and rodents have a lot in common: They’re both at the opposite end of the spectrum of toxic masculinity, they’re angular, and (at least when it comes to celebrities) they’re rarely photographed coming out of the gym.
Evidence Actions
The main difference between reptiles and rodents isn’t in their behavior, but in their appearance: reptiles have classical good looks, so you don’t need to add the addendum, “But he’s really funny” when asserting his appeal.
Husky
Poster Boy
Bear Grylls. GR and Rottweilers are outdoorsy, but Husky has always been outdoorsy. His clothing has the word “trekking” somewhere and I gave up the zip-off cargo debate a long time ago.
Evidence Actions
Huskies are loyal, but they have a hard time seeing the world through the eyes of people who don’t like sleeping bags. To see if you’re a Husky or a Retriever, go back to the Outfitters’ Store and hide behind a pillar.
If you see him pacing anxiously near your sewing patterns when you go outside, he’s a retriever. If he’s making camp out of natural yarn, he’s a husky.
