Neither party seems serious about tackling any of the big problems plaguing Britain: rising debt, crumbling public services and a stagnant economy.
Labour claims it has big plans to boost growth by putting a little more money into it and doing things a little more competently. The Conservatives say big tax increases are on the way by Labour. It’s all a bit murky, to say the least.
But what has attracted the most attention in this campaign so far have been some spectacular own goals scored by Sunak’s Conservative Party.
UK Parliamentary Election Poll
For more information on polling data from around Europe, POLITICO Poll.
Sunak angered the nation by leaving a solemn commemoration with veterans of the Normandy landings of World War II early to give a television interview. We can safely say this was not a fabrication. Sunak later apologised for insulting war heroes, so he has at least an edge over Donald Trump on that score.
Sunak’s own party, never one to lose in a dramatic turn of events, also caused him a major headache when it emerged that Conservative insiders had made questionable bets about the election date just days before the result was announced.
Excuse me, what is it?
Yes. The Conservative Party was forced to withdraw its support for two of its own candidates after UK gambling regulators began investigating suspicious bets placed with bookmakers ahead of Sunak’s vote call. Sunak’s police bodyguard was also suspended and arrested over the fray.
Labour, by contrast, is painfully dull. A week-long row over the replacement of a left-wing candidate with a younger, centrist Starmer supporter quickly died down, and the Labour leader’s most awkward moment came when he was repeatedly questioned about his tax plans and past support for Corbyn.
There is also the impression that voters are not particularly happy with Starmer himself and are more interested in punishing the Conservative Party after 14 years in power.
Nigel Farage is keen to harness this power as he seeks to overtake the Conservative Party on the right.
Him again?
That’s right: Donald Trump’s pal and perhaps the most influential man in British politics for decades isn’t going anywhere.
Farage has never been an MP but has led a highly effective external campaign that has embarrassed the Conservative party on immigration and Europe.
But this time he is the central figure. The pro-Brexit firebrand initially insisted he would sit out this election, but then decided to reverse course and go all-out in a headline-grabbing bid to spur his campaign.
Mr Farage is standing for parliamentary elections and is certain to win. He has taken over as leader of Reform UK, a right-wing challenger party that is ahead of the centuries-old Conservative Party in some opinion polls.
So will Britain wake up to a Farage Prime Minister on July 5th?
No, that’s not the case: The Reform Party currently has just one member of parliament, and opinion polls still predict its number in parliament after the election will be in the single digits or low teens.
However, it is possible that the Reform Party could actually win a higher share of the vote than the Conservatives and lose many seats across the country by splitting the right-wing vote.
That would give Starmer an even bigger majority and, if Sunak resigns, could have a major impact on the Conservative leadership contest after the election – and could even see Farage become Leader of the Opposition within a decade.
Is there anything else I should know before I go back to my real country?
Yes! Both of the people running here are also closely watching the US elections.
Starmer is a social democrat and would back Biden if Labour wins the November election, but his party has forged alliances with Donald Trump’s team and key members of the Republican Party just in case.
Even Starmer’s foreign policy chief, David Lammy, who once called Trump a “sociopath with neo-Nazi sympathies”, now has a much more friendly attitude towards the republican firebrand.
Are the Brits approaching the US for influence? Surely not?
Look, we just want to be you, OK? Is that a crime? You have prettier teeth and you don’t have a washing machine in your kitchen.
Our own Prime Minister is also complicit in this act.
The Conservative leader has kowtowing to US tech bosses during his time in office and already owns a luxury home in California, so don’t be surprised if he turns up in Silicon Valley after losing the election. Lucky you!