dear harriet: I’m a freelance web designer who primarily works with small and medium-sized businesses.
My cousin and I agreed to establish a partnership and split the revenue 60/40, with me handling the work and him managing client communications and customer acquisition.
My understanding was that my last client paid $22 an hour, so I earned $13.20 and he earned $8.80. I discovered their conversation while using my laptop at his house. It revealed that his hourly wage was $26 and his income was his $12.80.
Even though he has promised not to engage in such behavior in the future, I am wondering if it is possible for me to continue working with him.
— unethical partnership
Dear Unethical Partnerships,: It may be difficult to do business with family members, but doing business with dishonest people is not a good idea.
If you find out that your cousin has been lying, ask him why he did what he did.
Is the 60/40 split due to the amount of effort you put into your work? Does your cousin understand it? Perhaps he was against division and that’s why he thought of a workaround. Either way, you can’t trust him.
If you can’t leave him right away, change the terms to require all contracts to be signed twice so you can review each contract. It may be a hassle, but it’s necessary, at least for now.
Dear Harriet: I’m angry at my husband because he doesn’t think it’s his responsibility to do our daughter’s hair.
He thinks that because he is a man, feminine responsibilities are not his job. I tried to explain that the responsibility of raising children should be shared equally, regardless of gender stereotypes, but he was adamant.
Our daughter is only 6 years old, but she loves her father. But she is starting to notice the difference in our roles. Recently she asked me why her dad doesn’t do her hair or pick out her clothes with her.
I want my daughter to grow up knowing that her parents will take care of her in every way.
How can you break through these outdated notions and help him understand the importance of being an equal partner in parenting?
— Gender roles
Dear Gender Roles: Discuss with your husband his ideas about who does what in the family.
I’m sure they grew up in an environment where there was a clear line between male and female behavior. Perhaps he’s following a blueprint learned from his family. Encourage him to reconsider his restrictive approach to your family.
Point out that no matter what his life was like as a child, the two of you can create new rules that apply to your household.
Tell him that your daughter is asking why you can’t help her with her hair. Let her boyfriend watch while you do her hair so he can observe the intimacy that develops during this intimate ritual.
The reality is that people are drawn to different obligations within their families. Your husband may never try to do everything himself that he considers “a woman’s work,” but get him to reconsider being restricted by traditions that have no place in your household. It may be possible.
Harriet Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people access and realize their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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