“Let’s try something different today,” the therapist suggests as we sit across from each other in his office in Polanco, Mexico City. “Have you ever heard of ‘constelaciones familiares’?” I admit I haven’t, but I’m intrigued. Álvaro is a professor-level therapist in Mexico who draws on a variety of modalities, including deep psychoanalysis, cosmic spirituality, and practical street smarts. I appreciate the range of techniques he applies in our sessions.
He took out a small cloth bag and turned it over. Simple wooden dolls were scattered on the table, each a different color but otherwise identical. Seeing that I was confused, he put them in a pile and slid it over. “Choose one that represents your paternal grandfather,” he said. I chose the orange doll.
Alvaro had me choose a different color for each one until all of my relatives were represented: my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc. Following Alvaro’s instructions, I chose a white doll to represent myself, ignoring the fact that that color projects a stereotypical image of innocence.
“Now, put them in place of each other.” I consider each letter and place them carefully on the surface of the table.
For the next hour, we discussed the placement of the figures in relation to each other and to my representations. Alvaro commented on the placements and asked insightful questions that not only stimulated me but also prompted new perspectives. “You have rejected your family,” he said, pointing out that my representations were positioned far away, turned away from the crowd of other figures.
“I’m not like them,” I protest. “I choose to live a different life.”
“You can’t get rid of them,” he warns. “The more you actively remove something from your life, the more it demands your attention. They are your ancestors. Face them. Thank them, honor them, and ask them for permission to live differently.”
“Yes,” I breathed, feeling goosebumps rise. For years, I had rebelled against my family’s rigid expectations of traditional notions of stability and success. By choosing to live abroad, far from the comfort and security of a high-end corporate job, I had made myself something of a black sheep.
Alvaro instructed me in Spanish to ask permission from my ancestors: “My family… I ask for forgiveness from my ancestors… I ask for prayers for a new and different way of life.” “Yes.” (My family… I ask for forgiveness for rejecting you… I ask for your blessing to live a different way… and I will honor you.)
With tears in my eyes, I left the office feeling lighter and refreshed. By rejecting my roots and my family, I had unconsciously created tensions that were holding me back and draining me. To find peace, I needed to live authentically while honoring my roots.
Growing attachment to the Mexican family structure
Since then, I’ve noticed frequent mentions of family reconstitution practices throughout Mexico. A few days after my own experience, while walking down Amsterdam Street in Mexico City, I overheard a woman telling a friend about the group reconstitution session that had unravelled her tumultuous relationship with her father. “I’m not angry anymore,” she said in Spanish. “I forgive him.”
In our expat/Mexican group chats, star sign events are shared almost weekly, and most Mexicans I’ve spoken to have participated or at least heard about them.
“Yes, I’ve done it with horses,” a friend in Monterey told me. “Horses?” I asked, confused. She patiently explained, “Horses. I went to a farm outside the city and set up horses, just like you do with the wooden dolls. A facilitator interpreted the horses’ energy and behavior to reveal family dynamics.”
That’s interesting. There seems to be something about Mexican culture that makes this a breeding ground for the practice.
Family structure
Past and present family dynamics shape our lives deeply, right down to the genetic level. Whether we are conscious of it or not, these generational patterns, traumas, and beliefs are manifested in our behavior and worldview.
Developed in the 1990s by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger, family construction allows participants and facilitators to identify the family mental and emotional legacies that are influencing their lives. It is a form of therapy that aims to resolve conflicts, increase self-awareness, and promote change by exploring family roles and dynamics.
Participants, individually or in groups, symbolically play out family roles using representatives (beings or objects) to bring to the surface unconscious attitudes and latent feelings tied to family experiences, which allows them to reinterpret dysfunctional family patterns, address unresolved feelings, and reconcile past events and relationships.
There are many ways to create constellations. People have used dolls, horses, stones, colored footprint cutouts on the floor, floating objects in a pool, and more. One facilitator said: Diana Garciahas also applied family structure to corporate settings, conducting sessions with organizational teams in Mexico.
Using footprints, she looks at whether departments are pulling in a unified direction or getting in each other’s way — that is, are they crowded together or stepping on each other, impeding the company’s goals? Garcia also applies the constellation concept to the executive level, showing business leaders that workplace dynamics can reflect dysfunctional family patterns that are unconsciously playing out. “The issues and roles that we have in our families often get replicated in the work environment without us realizing it,” she explains.
Cultural Acceptance of Mexican Family Structure
The emphasis on family ties in Mexico and the cultural openness to alternative therapies make it fertile ground for family constellations. The concept of ancestry is strong in Mexican culture, as is multigenerational family structures beyond the nuclear family. In Mexico, the family is traditionally seen as a strong, interconnected network (family Family relationships refer to the “connected” families and connections that are always together, including not only immediate family but also relatives and ancestors.
This closeness is not inherently bad, but without clear boundaries it can become unhealthy. Astrology can help us understand why people feel lonely or depressed even when surrounded by family, because a person’s happiness is intrinsically tied to the health of the entire family system, including the influence of past generations.
Another important aspect of Mexican culture that coincides with the principle of family composition is the respect for elders and ancestor worship in Mexican culture. Mexicans are expected to honor their ancestors, but this can create dissonance if any of the family’s ancestors have a difficult history or past trauma. Composition offers a way to handle that contradiction without disrespecting ancestors by focusing on events, relationships, and “fate” within the family system.
This reverence for ancestors is woven into the annual Day of the Dead celebrations honoring deceased loved ones, reinforcing an interconnected, multigenerational view of family that aligns with principles of family structure and unpacks intergenerational trauma.
Beyond Therapy: Honoring the Past Mexican Style
In a culture that so passionately celebrates family ties, it is perhaps only fitting that the family structure took root in the fertile soil of Mexico, a country where ancient rituals reveal the familial ties that anchor and bind the soul.
From the ranch, where horses are used to embody family roles, to the boardroom, where organizational patterns are mapped to reflect household dynamics, constellation work reveals the core energies that shape identity.
For those seeking to respectfully unravel generational patterns, Mexico’s unique cultural context is the perfect setting to transform ancestral burdens into blessings through family structures.
Monica Bellotto Monica is a writer, researcher, strategist, and adjunct professor at Parsons School of Design in New York, where she teaches in the Strategic Design & Management program. She splits her time between New York and Mexico City, living with her mischievous silver Labrador puppy, Atlas, and writing about everything from the human experience to travel to design research. You can follow her colorful writing on Medium. https://medium.com/@monicabelot.
