Kano couple bucks trend in Nigeria’s ‘divorce capital’

A couple who live in the “divorce capital” of Nigeria recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and are being praised for their long-lasting marriage.

Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiat Tahir sparked much comment in a BBC interview where they revealed the secret to their happiness and why so many marriages fail in the northern city of Kano.

Yusuf attributes this to his wife’s generous nature.

“Our marriage works because she is a very unselfish person and she cares about a lot of things,” the 76-year-old told BBC Hausa.

This made Tahir, who is in her late sixties and has 13 children together, smile, and she praised her husband’s ability to remain calm in the face of the challenges that any family faces.

“He’s a very patient man, and I think that’s been the key to our success,” she said.

The pair said they love and respect each other and it was clear they enjoyed each other’s company, laughing multiple times throughout the interview.

For Hassana Mahmoud, a 39-year-old divorcee who has been married five times, it’s a revelation: She is impressed by the couple and their apparent contentment.

“I’ve only ever been married to my spouse for four years, so it was refreshing to see us celebrating this milestone on social media,” she said.

“All my husbands were kind and caring during our relationships, but they changed after we got married,” said the mother of four.

“It makes me sick whenever I hear people refer to Kano as the ‘divorce capital of Nigeria’. I hope that things will change,” she added.

Kano was given the nickname when divorce rates began to rise in the 1990s, and has never been able to shake off the undesirable label.

Hundreds of marriages break up every month in Nigeria’s most populous state and its capital, Kano, the commercial hub of the north.

A 2022 BBC investigation in collaboration with the local government revealed that 32% of marriages in Kano state only last between three and six months.

It also emerged that some people between the ages of 20 and 25 have already been married three times.

The scale of secession is of particular concern to the Kano state-funded Islamic body, Hisba, which handles morality issues and enforces Sharia (Islamic law) in the state.

It has a police force that enforces racial segregation in public places and a ban on drinking alcohol among the Muslim majority population, and it also has a counselling service, primarily to help troubled couples.

Long lines are often seen outside the office, with women suing over their ex-husbands refusing to pay child support.

In Kano, people tend to marry young, many before the legal age of 18.

Some believe this may be a factor because divorce is easy in Islam, where a husband can simply tell his wife he wants a divorce or write it on a piece of paper; nowadays, a message on social media is enough to end a marriage.

Aminu Daulawa works at Hisbah to tackle the high divorce rate, and one of their solutions is to give people a second chance and better prepare them for married life.

The matchmaking agency operates on a large scale, organising mass marriages known as “Auren-zawarawa”, primarily targeting divorcees.

Hundreds of newlyweds who will be holding lavish weddings will also be given small grants to help them start up businesses and buy other household items.

The initiative began in 2012, but Daulawa acknowledged that divorce rates remain high.

“We know the problem and that is why we have a committee that checks on each couple after marriage to ensure that the former does not happen. [same] “The results are fantastic,” he said.

But Hadiza Addo, founder of the non-governmental organisation Women and Children’s Initiative, said divorce numbers were continuing to rise.

“Currently, each of our offices receives around 30 matrimonial cases every day,” she told the BBC.

“The primary reason at the moment is the recession in the Nigerian economy.

“Husbands go out to make ends meet and sometimes come back empty-handed, which leads to a breakdown in marital relations.”

The practice of using matchmakers is common in Kano because singles in Islamic society do not socialize with each other and therefore find it difficult to meet potential partners.

The only place where men and women mix is ​​at universities and other higher education institutions, but most of them don’t go there.

When people are matched, they often marry without even knowing each other very well.

In fact, Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiat Tahir were introduced to us as young men by an older woman in their neighborhood.

Although she felt the two were a good match, they didn’t marry until 12 years later, giving them plenty of time to get to know each other.

One man with a reputation for making successful matches says that’s the key.

“A lot of research needs to be done to get to know the people involved before marriage,” Rabiu Addo told the BBC.

He started working as a matchmaker 10 years ago. The 46-year-old never planned on becoming a matchmaker, which was his mother’s job.

He worked as a truck driver, but friends complained to him that it was difficult to find a partner.

After several successful introductions, he realized he had a talent for the family business.

He now has a sign advertising his services and gets between one and five clients a day. He meets with his clients to learn their attitudes and expectations. Often, men want a woman who can make money, and women want a rich man.

“A lot of people get married with the wrong mindset and end up disappointed after a while.”

He has brokered about 500 marriages over the past decade, and says his success rate is more than 90 percent.

He advises couples to always take the time to get to know each other well before getting married.

Addo, whose nickname is “Mai Dalili”, which means “the one who makes it happen”, said the high divorce rate meant some people were not serious about marriage.

“I think the reason divorce rates are high in Kano is because people think that if they get divorced, they can always find someone else.”

Islamic cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa has defended ease of divorce for Muslims.

“Islam is merciful and has made marriage and divorce less difficult so that people are not locked in when things go wrong,” he told the BBC.

“Earlier, there were not so many divorces as parents were married for decades. It is only recently that people have started misusing the divorce process for their own selfish gains,” he said.

“But essentially, unlike some religions where divorce is a no-death affair regardless of the circumstances, Islam legalizes divorce if things get out of hand.”

Yusuf, who worked for the now-defunct Nigerian Airways, says sharing life’s challenges and helping each other was crucial to his enduring partnership with Tahir.

“Love is also key, because when you truly love each other, you tend to stay together.

“My advice to anyone considering marriage is to marry with sincere intentions and not for selfish reasons.”

His wife agreed, adding: “My advice to people who want to get married is that they should be patient with each other. When one person is angry, the other person needs to stay calm.”

Additional reporting by Abba Auwal