For people like: unfortunately Most people who are attracted to men have a “type” in mind. Everyone has different preferences. Some prefer rugged men who exude “alpha male energy,” while others crave sensitive, soft-spoken men (like Hollywood’s number one baby girl, Jacob Elordi).
Personally, I like feminine men.
Now, I We hear a lot about liking “feminine” men, but by that we mean guys who pay attention to hygiene, dress well, and are a bit of a flirt on Instagram. Gender performance researchers might have a different idea: A recent study found that men with “feminine traits” (more on that later) are more likely to have successful long-term relationships. And if you’d rather listen to TikTok theorists than academics, anecdotal evidence bears this out too.
If you’ve ever seen the trend where women share videos of their “fruity” boyfriends who adore them, you know what I’m talking about. There’s a TikTok trend that goes like this: “Beautiful girl loves having a gay boyfriend. He’s just a little boyfriend who’s kind of feminine and wears vintage Levi’s and carries a tote bag and has a mustache. He has random tattoos all over his body that you’ve never seen before. His coworkers are amazed that he has a beautiful, attractive, amazing girlfriend and they’re like, ‘Is she your cousin?’ And he’s like, ‘No, I love her so sweetly and I adore her.’ I think that’s really beautiful. I love that couple.”
Most of the time, you’ll see women putting on sound effects on videos of their boyfriends who are holding *what* tote bags. But accessories aren’t the only thing these guys are showing off. They’re noted for being good listeners, attentive to their partners, and overall really caring boyfriends. So, let’s throw all the “alpha male” nonsense out the window and break down this new dating trend.
Why are “feminine men” more successful in relationships with women?
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that “slightly feminine” men are more attractive to women for long-term relationships, as well as short-term flings. But why?
Traits like warmth, nurturing, and “self-perceived femininity” are associated with greater fatherhood qualities, making these men more attractive as long-term partners (and potential husbands!) as well as for short-term fun. So it’s not about aesthetics (that cute tote bag), it’s about exuding “great dad vibes.” And when you’re dating a man, you can’t help but want him to be kind and sensitive.
If you’re like me, you might be a little put off by the idea that traits like “warmth” and “caring” are considered feminine traits, but you can blame it on some very deep-rooted social constructs. Society has always pushed the idea that women should be primarily caregivers, full of empathy and kindness, while men should be tough and competitive. These old gender roles have led us to label certain traits as masculine or feminine.
But let’s be realistic: warmth and compassion are wonderful human qualities that have nothing to do with gender. Men, women, and non-binary people can all exhibit these qualities. This study shows that when men embrace their softer side (and turn away from Andrew Tate), it can really work to their advantage and make them very attractive.
There’s a lot more to discuss, especially since cis-hetero men are often praised for traits that women, gay men, and non-binary people are often criticized for. Still, what’s the main point? If you’re looking to date a man (whether it’s a one-night stand or a lifelong one), make sure he has the same loving and nurturing qualities as you do.
