For most of my 14 years as a mother, including when I was married, it felt like I spent Mother’s Day alone.
Every year, on the second Sunday of May, I think about the women who have been with me at various points along my mother’s journey. I envy mothers who are scared, lonely, and have a supportive partner at home.
This year, I wrote a letter to all the single mothers out there who feel inferior to other families and are struggling to celebrate themselves today.
When the flowers don’t arrive, when there’s no one to say “thank you,” when there’s no one to post a photo, I want us to remember where our gift really is.
For our children, this of Life and this love are enough. So we can raise a glass.
Dear Single Mother on Mother’s Day
Maybe you woke up a little early today and gave yourself the gift of solitude. After all, there’s no one to tag. I’m tired.
It may take a few minutes for feelings of inadequacy to set in. We only remember what we can’t do and never see all that we have. You may be wondering what kind of impact single-parent families have on children who are easily affected.
And the day starts like any other.
Once upon a time, flowers may have been waiting for you. Maybe the flowers didn’t bloom at all. You may find a crumpled piece of Mother’s Day art in your child’s backpack today, but they may not realize there’s something to celebrate.
You prepare every meal, fulfill every request, create every moment, wipe every tear, and calm every fear. But your demands are left unfulfilled, your moments are 60 seconds at a time, your tears are wiped away with your own hands, and your fears sink in all the time.
Yet you show up every day and do it, perhaps feeling a little jealous of the two-parent house down the street, because being a full-time parent and full-time childcare provider is hard. It is impossible to do both perfectly.
If you are feeling discouraged today because of all the things you lack, look within yourself.
You are the creator of all the good things you see.
Witness your gift as you drop off your children tonight.
There may be nothing on the table this morning, and I may have cleaned up the house and cooked every meal, but there is peace in the room. Their faces are full of joy. There is a tangible love there that feels like a blanket wrapped around your feet.
Your family is not inferior.
You have enough. Your kids know it, and someday someone else will too.
But it has to start with you.
My son felt left out.What children with an autistic sibling should know.
Your married friend may also be struggling
Single mothers need to know that married mothers do not necessarily receive better support. Sure, they may have flowers, but just like you, they’ve learned how to water themselves.
There was a Mother’s Day when everything felt empty. There were flowers, photos, dinner, and lots of hugs, but a darker reality was masked. Presence does not equal support. Loneliness is not alone.
Knowing that I had “enough” led me back to being single and being the mom I always was. So cherish where you are and never trade your peace for support. Celebrate this day by recognizing yourself.
Last year I bought myself a bouquet of wildflowers, and this year I bought myself several bouquets.
My gift is this home I have built and the peace I feel at night. Sure, it might be a little more troublesome, but it’s definitely not inferior.
When I send my children out into the world, they begin to take this love that has been given and plant it in their own place, and it will definitely be better than if they had grown up in a home with two broken parents.
But I know that you, like me, may also have a desire to share your life with someone. Make sure that not only on this special day, but that they too are visionaries who discern your worth and your “good enough.”
