“Compliments shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions, they should be an everyday experience,” says Shanghai-based Chloe Shen. Fashion and travel blogger, known as “Dare Girl” to her 1.6 million social media followers.
She was struck by the positive comments she received when she stepped out on the streets of New York City in 2016 wearing a red coat: “At first I didn’t feel too great, but then I got so many compliments and I was like, wow, am I amazing?”
So Shen returned to China with a mission to make her shop and art space a place where spontaneous, comfortable moments could come true. “Instead of letting jealousy and self-doubt drag you down, why not tell yourself and those around you that you are a great person?” Shen says.
Shen hosts speed-dating style compliment sessions, where participants have three minutes to praise each other before moving on to the next person. She also encourages her staff to compliment customers and give a lucky few a free photo booth session to capture their awesomeness on film.
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Out-of-the-blue compliments are not a standard part of Chinese culture. During the decades of social turmoil and economic hustle that marked China’s incredible industrialization, people were simply too busy and focused on career advancement to indulge in such frivolous behavior. But now, scholars say, the middle class, especially younger generations, are seeing a gradual shift in response to compliments from rejection to acceptance, a shift they attribute to the influence of “Westernization,” particularly through the mass media and exposure to native English speakers.
In a prime example of the American praise culture that has taken hold in China in the past year, state media and online commentators have pointed to an exchange late last year between President Biden and Chinese leader Xi Jinping: “Beautiful car!” Biden said as he led Xi to the leader’s armored vehicle, an 18-foot-long Hongqi sedan, at the end of a long day of talks near San Francisco.
This “praise culture” is one aspect of American life that Yang Ying, a 26-year-old recent graduate from Renmin University in Beijing, is looking forward to experiencing when she begins a doctoral program in the United States in the fall.
She studies videos on Douyin, the Chinese version of TikTok, from Chinese students studying in the U.S. that highlight the cultural practice of paying random compliments. She said one video in particular stood out to her: “One person even said that in the bathroom, the person in the cubicle next to them yelled out that they liked her shoes.”
It’s that kind of openness and positivity that she craves after years of coronavirus countermeasures and a never-ending race in China.
Similar themes have resonated with Douyin viewers: In one video, a young woman from Guangdong province said she grew up being scorned for her appearance because of her dark skin and large buttocks, but when she visited the US, she received compliments on her appearance that gave her a new perspective on body positivity; her video about the compliments garnered more than 320,000 likes.
In another popular video, a Chinese mother in New York asked at a school meeting how her first-grade daughter could improve her grades, and was assured by the principal that she was “the best kid in the world.”
Chinese schools have taken notice, with teachers across the country posting on lifestyle app Xiaohongshu about how they can motivate students and encourage good behaviour by giving them more praise, and encouraging them to compliment each other.
On the popular review site Douban, more than 170,000 members of mutual praise groups actively seek praise for their accomplishments, like making a swan-shaped ice cream cake, winning three board games in a row or breaking up with a toxic boyfriend.
This online trend has led to offline praise sessions.
At Dhoby Tara, a cafe and bar on the outskirts of Chongqing, owner Lu Liao hosts face-to-face events where strangers come together to exchange kind words.
She started the events as a marketing strategy to bring together young people from nearby universities. Soon, it attracted a more diverse crowd: gays, single mothers, immigrant workers, etc. She also hosted soirées for introverts, where they could write nice things on paper and avoid the awkwardness of verbal communication.
“Giving a compliment is like giving a gift; it makes both the receiver and the giver feel good,” Lu says.
Linh Lan, who favors an all-black biker look that her colleagues call “gangster-like,” complete with pleather jacket and metal necklace, loved the unexpected compliments she received when she showed up to a Dobby Tara event. “Wow, look at your hair and your style!” one person exclaimed, while another told Linh, “Your outfit is great!”
The 25-year-old accountant simply smiled sheepishly and nodded. “But seriously, that comment made my day,” said Lin, who has since volunteered to host praise parties at the bar.
These events, and praise culture more generally, are grassroots attempts to “foster a more sustainable social microenvironment” in which people are willing to show empathy and goodwill, said Xu Moxu, a former indie band vocalist who has hosted more than 100 praise parties in Beijing and his hometown of Suzhou since 2022.
“When I notice something I like about someone, I try to tell them rather than keeping it to myself,” says Xu, who runs Libertango, a small bar in Beijing.
A university in Anhui province is promoting a praise culture to raise awareness about mental health, asking students to participate in a Secret Santa event and prepare cards with compliments.
While the trend is far from mainstream, some praise culture advocates are starting to notice people around them warming to the idea.
“Last month, I told my brother he was a very helpful person and thanked him for helping me take care of my adopted dog, Puff,” Lin said, adding that Puff had been “acting weird.” It was unusual for family members to compliment each other or say “thank you” to each other.
“Lately, he’s started sending me thank you messages and thumbs up when I do the grocery shopping, make restaurant reservations or plan family trips,” said Lin, who lives with her parents and older brother. “It’s nice to be noticed and not taken for granted.”
Lily Kuo and Pei–Lin Wu in Taipei, Taiwan contributed to this article.
